NLP Tip - Stopping the Sabotage - Jamie Smart

publication date: Oct 30, 2008

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author/source: Jamie Smart - www.saladltd.co.uk

When a person’s behaviours are not in line with what they say they want, there are three main possibilities:

a)  They don’t really want it (ie. they’re not convinced of the benefits)

b)  They want it, but there are hidden benefits of the current state that will
     be lost.

c)  They want it, but don’t believe it’s possible/appropriate for them.

The Power of “WHY?”

In the early days of NLP, the ‘Why’ question was deemed not useful because it prompted people to make up stories to explain behaviours. I’ve found the Why question useful in establishing someone’s motivation for doing something. Assuming that you have a clear idea of what you want, ask…

1) “Why do you want this? What will it get you? What will it do for you?”

What are the benefits? How much do you want them? Is it worth the effort? My experience with this is very straightforward: I will only put effort into something I really want.

2) Now imagine that you’re in that future situation enjoying the benefits of the
    change you’ve made. See what you’ll see, hear what you’ll hear and feel
    what you’ll feel. Make the colours bright and really experience it.

3) Step out of the experience and see a picture of yourself in the future,
    enjoying the benefits of the change. Make the picture big, bold and bright.

If at this point you are feeling motivated to make the change, great. If not, do you really want it, or is it just something you think you should do? If you don’t want to do it – don’t do it! (If it’s something you don’t want to do but have to, like pay taxes, there are NLP techniques for dealing with that.)

Assuming that you do want to make the change, check for secondary gain (the ‘hidden benefits’ of the current situation.

Now it’s time to check for belief. 

4) Get someone to ask you the following questions: Do you want this? Is this
    possible for you? Do you know how to do this? Do you deserve this? 

Ask them to watch and listen to you as you respond. Does your response seem congruent – like you really believe it – or are you unsure / incongruent?

If the answer to any of the questions is ‘no’, or if a ‘yes’ response is incongruent (eg. head shaking while saying yes), there may be an issue of belief. A simple way to start shifting beliefs is through using the good old new age technique of affirmations. 

5) Create a first person present tense sentence containing what you are
    affirming, then say it to yourself in a positive and encouraging tone of
    voice (Eg. ‘I am supremely confident’, ‘I am fit and healthy’).

You may have to say your affirmation several times before you start noticing differences, but lots of people say horrible things to themselves lots of the time anyway, so you may as well start saying nice things to yourself in good tonality. It works!

More Advanced

Here’s one to stretch your flexibility. Practice looking in the mirror and saying ‘I love you’. If your statement seems obviously true and positive, great! Do it twice a day forever. If (as is the case for many people) it seems unbelievably syrupy and horrible, do it anyway. Pretend you mean it. Keep on doing it for at least three weeks – you may be amazed at what starts to happen. Once it seems obviously true and positive, great! Do it twice a day forever.

Tip: Have lots of fun for no good reason..