by Peta Heskell

You can’t be a great communicator without being a great people reader, a super-detective of human signals, alert to every little shift. Many of us have developed a kind of protective bubble that keeps the world out. If you live in a busy city you will know the unnerving feeling of scurrying down a quiet street at dusk or being stuck in the middle of a crowd of drunks on a Saturday night. It’s not surprising we shut down – there are times we don’t want to notice or be noticed.

This protective mechanism works well when you use it selectively. But sometimes we filter out the world, and that’s not a good way to pick up signals. Tune back in with the following exercise.
 

Sharpen Up your Senses

Over five days, use one sense more consciously ever day.

Day 1: Look out for things. Notice what you see.

Day 2: Listen for sounds going on around you.

Day 3: Pay attention to bodily sensations.

Day 4: Sniff things out – what smells do you notice?

Day 5: Get a taste for life. What tastes do you come into contact with? What tastes do you get in your mouth?

Notice when you’re not paying attention and spend more time being present.

Watch the Changes

When people ask me what signals they should look out for, I say ‘Anything that changes!’ Here are some useful types of change to look out for and some very general ideas as to what they could mean. Remember, it’s important to be open to interpretation.

There’s a great advert on British TV which shows a dishevelled, scruffy guy running crazily towards a man. Our first thought may be that he’s going to attack that person. And then the camera angle switches and you see him pushing the man out of the way of falling bricks. Things aren’t always as they seem.

Forwards Movement

This could be a sign that a person is paying attention or that they’re on the alert for action. It could also mean they can’t hear well or even that they’re trying to get a closer whiff of your perfume.

 

Backwards Movement

Sometimes people move back when they want to think about something – as if they need to give themselves more distance. It may be too much to contemplate all at once or they may sense a threat (real or imagined).

 

Crossing Limbs

Sometimes people cross their limbs when they’ve received information that makes them uncomfortable or warns them they need more time to think. It may be a stalling tactic. When you cross your limbs, you’re making it more difficult for energy to flow. If you’re trying to figure out a problem or come unstuck from something, crossing your limbs could hinder you.

Rhythmical Movement

Notice any rhythmical movements people make when they’re talking. If they have a jagged, frenetic rhythm, that’s generally a hint that they’re having thoughts that aren’t that useful. If their rhythm is paced and even, such as a gentle but slight nodding of the head or moving up and down of a foot, this generally indicates they’re enjoying something pleasant. When people talk about how they are at their best, they often fall into a rhythm as they experience it.

Hand Movement

Pay particular attention to hands – they’re one of the most expressive parts of our body, as anyone who has seen Italians talk will agree! As we feel the urge to speak, our hands often move. When someone is about to speak but loses the opportunity you may see a hand somewhere up around their face. Look out for hands being moved upwards or outwards. Sometimes people make a little gesture like this and then pull them back. This might be a sign that they want to say something, or that they were thinking something and stopped themselves.

People also use their hands to mark out things in the space around them. They’ll put their hands in a particular location when they’re describing something. A common example is when someone talks about ‘putting something behind them’ and moves their hands in a backwards movement.

A skilled communicator asks questions that get people into all sorts of states and watches as they mark them out in the space around them. When Sandy talked about a ‘fantastic opportunity’, he lifted his left hand palm up, curled his fingers inwards and moved his arm back, then forwards, and stopped with a jolt. He was mapping out his representation of ‘fantastic opportunity’ in the space around him. That space is anchored to ‘fantastic opportunity.  If you want him to think of something as a fantastic opportunity you can point or look to the space as you tell him what you want.